Breaking the Ice

Even though it has only been 2 days, I have become fond of this online journal format. I think I can probably make the most of it by using it to share whatever I want. So along those lines, I am going to start including crap about my dating life. I will stick with the initials, to provide a respectful amount of anonymity to my dating victims and/or perpetrators. Well I'm not sure what the proper way to come out to my blog is, though I guess I just did. So yes, all of the dates you will hear about are going to be (hopefully cute) guys. Well I'm glad we have cleared that up. I feel better already.

For the past 2 years I was more or less happily dating this adorable guy, M.B. He and I had some great times together, but in the end, those great times came fewer and further between. We met at Roscoes in February of 2002, and I was initially taken by his striking eyes, adorable blond hair, and his laugh, and a certian maturity that came with being several years older. Plus he is an excellent dancer, as opposed to the usual white guy dance of sort of swinging the arms and not moving. So, true to gay form, it was lust at first sight. After assuring each other that "we never do this", we decided that a one night stand was in order. Suffice it to say, that one night stand morphed into a 2 year relationship.

He believes that our relationship began to fall apart when we decided to move in together in September 2002. At that point, he was extremely stressed out and disaffected by his job in health care. Since I had been offered a $125k job at a start up investment firm, we decided together that he could quit his job and go to school for a different career, one that made use of his creative side. This plan began to backfire almost immediately. The new semester did not begin until January 2003, so he was at home in the apartment with nothing to do, while I was working. I think if he had started school immediately, things would have turned out differently. At any rate, he began chatting online, and I grew to be suspicious and a bit jealous, because I didn't really understand what online chatting entailed. Having now used gay.com quite a bit, I now know that one can use it to meet some cool friends; though of course you can also find easy sex, so maybe some of my concerns were justified. At the same time, the firm I joined was floundering, and I had all of the stresses of having the sole income combined with the anxieties about the future of my job. In addition, the fact that I had all of the money created an enormous imbalance of power in the relationship. I think he tried to change the balance of power by pulling away from me emotionally and physically.

So we continued with the relationship, though we broke up a number of times. Each time we broke up, he was the one to do it. I was always eager to reconcile, which we eventually did. Finally, we broke up for the last time, and for good, in March of this year. So that's the story.

-Ben