My Chemical Romance

This pace of blog-updating seems to be working well for me. I do tend to work very well under a deadline pressure, but because such a pressure would be totally self-induced in terms of blog timeliness, I don’t think it would have the same positive effect.

So, since the last blog entry, I have learned that essentially no one I know (not even Frerx) has even a modicum of sympathy for me about my bonus-based stress and anxiety. I just hate the idea of getting screwed over, from a financial perspective, natch. Well it will be all resolved Friday, and then I can find something else to obsess over. I’m thinking of choosing whitening my teeth as the new obsession de jour; well, of course continuing my fondness for cool footwear. Speaking of, maybe I’ll go to Adidas during lunch today…hmmm.

My other captivation has been Watergate, including the lead-up to and the aftershocks of. I can’t exactly explain where that interest has come from, but I find Nixon to be simply fascinating on so many levels. Of course there is the obvious Nixon-as-King-Lear, and the inherent tropological similarities, with Haldeman, Ehrlichman, Dean, et al, as the handmaidens of his destruction. And Nixon’s unbelievable overwhelming hubris, so prominent and intertwined with his scheming. So his fall is that of classic tragedy. Aside from reading Final Days, by Woodward & Bernstein, who are sort of the sine qua non of any proper Watergate analysis, I have also been reading: John W. Dean’s Blind Ambition, Richard Ben-Veniste’s Stonewall: the Watergate Prosecution, Ehrlichman’s book, Colson’s book, and transcripts of Nixon’s tapes. I was a bit amazed at Nixon’s extreme anti-Semitism that jumps out in many conversations, tied into his paranoia; he is always exhorting Dean to “get those Jews…those big Jews [big Democratic donors]”, and he used the power of the IRS and the Department of Justice to harass many of these people. In the end, it was the cover-up that destroyed Nixon’s presidency, not the actual break-in itself. But Nixon was conditioned to never admit culpability, so it was not part of his frame of reference. The insider perspective is definitely what I get off on; the debate about Nixon vs. the office of the Presidency; would Nixon’s resignation dilute the power of the office, etc? Although I’m sure it was unpopular at the time, I think Ford made the right decision in pardoning Nixon; this finally let the country begin to heal and to move forwards.

Well there’s not much else that’s new with me really. I have been rather diligently working out, and I can feel my pecs and biceps getting firmer and bigger. I enjoy the feeling of being sore after lifting, and I’m looking forward to getting big again; I’m aiming for softball-size bicep muscles, haha. It is kind of reassuring to see the progress I’m making, and to have a bit more confidence that comes from looking better, and having the extra physical strength. My body type allows me to put on beefy muscle pretty easily, but it’s not good at all at losing fat. Ah well, I suppose that is a fair trade-off.

When I did have a six-pack, it was thanks to a rather restricted diet, with some, um, chemical assistance.

I finally got around to updating my gay.com profile, and changing my status back to single, and removing the last traces of my psycho puppy-boy. Good times, good times, haha. Well at any rate, last night was the first time I had chatted on gay.com in many weeks. But it was fun to catch up with some friends, and to meet a few new people. Along those lines, I “met” Chris on gay.com last night…the usage of “met” I believe applies in this modern and distant and dislocated age of ours, and Frerx will have to put up with my righteous judgment modality on this issue J. But nonetheless we talked for about an hour or so, and he seems to be pretty cool, is finishing his training to be a nurse, etc. Plus he and I have a shared predilection for pink shirts, with the collars up (pop my collar, like Creflo Dollar), so I think that’s a good sign. We are having dinner early next week, so that’s all good.

Enough for now. I will be back with news of my bonus, although not explicit news lest it offend anyone. Not that such an offense would be the first or last time, to be sure ;)

-Ben